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HUDSON, NY—Saying he felt compelled to personally respond to the actions of a president he views as vicious and corrupt, local dipshit Scott Rudnick announced Thursday his intention to fight the Trump administration through his art.

WASHINGTON—Deeply moved by her boldness under such circumstances, citizens from around the country were reportedly inspired Thursday by the bravery of a teenager who walked into a local Mc Donald’s wearing only a bikini.

FULLERTON, CA—Having grown up seeing few characters he could relate to on the big screen, local man Jake Champney, who once jumped a motorcycle onto a hijacked bullet train, told reporters Tuesday that he never thought he’d see the day when Hollywood would tell stories like his.

CORVALLIS, OR—Instantly repulsed by the startling image, local woman Monica Arquette immediately deleted a picture that, above all others ever taken of her, most closely resembled her actual self, sources reported Monday.

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